I’ve waited to pen Trina and I’s recent testimony. Thinking we’d get to a point where challenge from infirmity was a thing of the past, now I feel differently about the past year’s challenges. Having experienced four different hospitalizations, two of which I’ve learned after the fact very well could have been fatal, it is time to relate some of the specifics and our interaction with The Lord during this experience.
Last November Trina and I headed home from three full months of intense ministry in Europe. Most of this time was spent in The Netherlands, but we also had wonderful and important work in England. Both of these ministry experiences have set the stage for what we believe will be a significant launching pad for work on behalf of Jesus in the future. Literally as we descended back into DFW international airport, I developed a strong but manageable case of what I thought was heart burn. As we were collected and transported from the airplane, the pain from this experience grew to the point that I eventually asked Trina to take me to the local emergency room to get a pain shot.
When we arrived at the medical facility I told them what to do and said that I needed a pain shot to enable me to rest from my long flight. The doctor asked if he could just check my heart, and I told him that I didn’t have time for them to do tests. He persisted and I relented. It was very quickly evident that I was in the middle of a major cardiac incident and needed the highest level care possible. Almost before I knew what was happening, I was loaded on a care flight helicopter and flown to a cardiac care center in Fort Worth, TX.
The next seventeen days were spent in the cardiac intensive care unit and much of it was what I would call a living hell. The bypass surgery that I went through was very successful due to the skill of my surgeon. However, almost immediately I started experiencing PTSD from the very close quarters of my helicopter ride to the hospital every time the lights went out in the room. My insomnia was only slightly quelled by Trina rubbing my forehead or my oldest daughter, Kayleigh, holding my hand on countless occasions until I fell asleep. Without them, I am not sure that I wouldn’t have gone insane during this period. While I knew that God/Jesus was there and that He wouldn’t leave, the darkness I felt on an almost constant basis during this period, was one of the most challenging circumstances I’ve ever known.
Subsequent to this initial experience we’ve been back to the hospital three more times to deal with complications related to the initial surgery. None of them was marked by the terror of our initial visit, but weariness of experiencing continued infirmity has been a true spiritual battle. One thing that has stood out is that the faith of others concerning my life in Christ has been greater than my own. Many others’ prayers, belief and encouragement have lifted me during this time. I am especially thankful to Billy and Anna Bohanon, Toby and Susie Ratcliff, Pat & Janet Gray, Angela and Chris Hough, Dick and Martha Brooks, Rich and Claire Tinkler, Peter and Eefije de Kort, Carel Albertyne and Bo Klune among others. Their words of encouragement and timely presence were indescribable to my state of mind during this time.
Dealing with religion
While I’ve spared considerable detail, I was impressed by The Holy Spirit to relate some of my most intense personal frailty during this experience. 1 John 4:19 NASB95 says succinctly,
We love, because He first loved us.
It took convincing, but I now have the faith to believe that The Lord wants me to live through this health challenge. I want to underscore that I haven’t made it because of my stalwart faith. The goodness, strength and character of Jesus are my resting place more than at any other time in my life because of His faithfulness. He is the anchor that won’t be moved, the rock that will never fail even when we struggle to believe it is true! Let’s stop attributing human effort to The Love that can only be dispensed by Him. There is a simple revelation that all Christians must grasp: There are times when His character alone is our hope.
